How To Pass A Drug Test
Most of us have been there at one point in our lives, “Drug Test!” your boss announces. You start breaking out in cold sweat because you know, odds are you’re not going to pass it, since you know…you consumed what “society” deem ‘drugs’.
Quickly, you take out your phone and search the very title of this article, “How to pass a drug test?” only to be flooded by a bunch of nonsensical information that will probably get you fired regardless. Today, I’m going to dispel most of the myths and tell you how to pass a drug test (if possible).
I’m not going to be promoting magical elixirs that will turn your piss into that of a newborn. No, this is more about ‘whether you’ll have enough time’ or whether you have the resources to pass the drug test. In some cases, it is virtually impossible to ‘pass’ the drug test, however there are potential work-arounds if you know your chemistry.
Flushing is by far the most reliable way to pass a drug test
Before you go munch on that product that “promises” to clean your piss in 24 hours, you first need to understand how drugs work. If you’re a first time consumer, or perhaps a very mild smoker; THC will stay in your system between 3-7 days. Flushing, or drinking a lot of water and exercising is you trying to speed up the natural processes of your body, working through the substances and either sweating it out or peeing it out.
Essentially, when you start flushing you will force your body to expel as much liquid as possible. Bit by bit the THC will leave your body and let’s say you smoked on a Friday(as a mild smoker) and know that the drug test is on Monday, you could potentially flush out noticeable amounts of THC from your system over the weekend.
The first thing you HAVE to do is to “not smoke anymore”. Then, flush like there is no tomorrow!
However, for people like me who smoke every day for the past 20 years, flushing over a weekend won’t work. This is because THC accumulates in the body over time. In my case, I’d have to stop smoking anywhere between one month and three months prior to the Drug Test.
What can chronic stoners do to pass a drug test?
When it comes to us chronic tokers, we have to be smart about passing a drug test. There are a couple of options available;
- Find clean urine
- Make synthetic urine
- Have an inside man
- Pray to all the ganja gods simultaneously to help you pass
Finding clean urine
This is probably the most common trick we know of. I’m sure that you have friends who don’t smoke. At this point, you will take your relationship trust to a whole new level. However, acquiring the pee isn’t the only step, it’s the execution of “fooling the man” where the real trickery comes into play.
There are two common mistakes people make when trying to pull off the old “Switcheroo” which is not making sure that the “pee” is body temperature and properly delivering your “gold juice” to the container.
The trick is to strap the pee to your inner thigh in a baggy with some sort of delivery system (surgical tubing). When you “do your business” you need to act normal. Simply whip out the surgical tube and squeeze the baggy. If you’re willing to spend some money, you can even purchase a “fake penis delivery system” which comes handy when you’re being observed. For women the delivery is similar however, you’ll be doing this sitting, so be sure to cover your “delivery system” with your hands. Obviously, the fake penis won’t work for women and currently I don’t know about a female alternative on the market [I’ll keep on looking].
Making your own synthetic urine
If you have some chemistry know how, you can always make your own pee. I don’t know the recipe, however I’m sure a bit of searching online will help you track down the means of doing it. If you have a chemist buddy, even better.
Labs make synthetic urine as a “base sample”, it all comes down to knowing the density of creatinine to make a passable sample.
“Urine is an aqueous solution of greater than 95% water. Other constituents include urea, chloride, sodium, potassium, creatinine and other dissolved ions, and inorganic and organic compounds.” – Boundless.com
The inside man
This is a very unlikely situation for most people, since it requires someone who works within the drug testing facility to lend you a hand. This person needs to be “corrupt enough” to look the other way and not care too much about their personal ethics.